Ahh. Don't you think this is an utterly fabulous idea? A slam blog. Now we can bitch and be loved for it. Heh, the little loopholes our parents dont teach us about.

You know whats disturbing? Singaporeans. Singaporeans who have their fingers super glued to their phones. Almost everyone owns a mobile phone. The most overrated of all its uses SMS. You'd think that a whole country of Singaporeans who have thumbs surgically attached to their keypads would produce better SMSes.

Sadly though, here's the best you come up with:

"WaT u dOiN tMl? U wan 2Go TwN? Aft lesn mt U @ concourse!" - The Abbreviated SMS/Act cute but cannot make it [ACBC- for the ardent abbreviation lovers.] Heavens knows why!

Or - "Orh... Ok lorhz. Hahax... mus meet soon kaez? Dun alwaez busy hor? Later mi miss u too much worx..." - The singlish SMS. Or In my terms, Puke-Inducing.I mean, what the fuck is that?! That's NOT EVEN PROPER SINGLISH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. *Heh, the irony of singlish being proper... what is this world coming to. For the non-Singaporeans (call yourselves lucky) here's it translated - "Oh, ok. Haha, must meet soon ok? Don't always tell me you're busy, I might miss you too much." Ugh, add sappy to the crime list.

Or this - "Hey babe, u missin me yet? Say… I just thought I'd pop down town. My bitch digs this shiatass movie. Say you n me have some fun tmr instead?" - Ahh, the smooth talker hey? NOT.
First of all boys, I'm notin the least bit interested in meeting a fuckin chauvanist like you, and oh, just in case u'r too dumb to figure this out yourself, calling your girl a bitch WILL NOT score you points with any girl, even if I'm not her. Secondly, YOU ARE NOT John Travolta from Grease. Only he talks like that. (Either way, it is NOT a turn-on.) And lastly, you should learn that girls - by the nature of their genetic make-up - are gossipers. WORD SPREADS. So u might wanna be more discrete about cheating on your girl.

People, people, I am not asking you to write me a mini saga or a 100word essay (You could do that though, with the 1,500 letter limit nowadays which I think is utterly dumb.) Btw, that's called email. All I'm asking is for an elegantly phrased message which tells me you put a little more thought into it. The nature of the short messaging service allows for brilliant wit, excellent one-liners and creative insights.

Take this (we're talking about rain here) - "Oh do me justice my fair lady and command this ghastly precipitation to cease, judging from how u and the raindrop had a scandalous affair in front of my innocent eyes!" *I love the melodrama! (The scandalous affair thing is a private joke. The humour helps too.

Watch and learn kids.

Blessed be~ Goddess.